Okay so I know there’s some guy now out there with one, erm, ball which is swinging solo but my god this did make me simultaneously both laugh and wince at the same time.
Here’s the story, so an unnamed man (shocker) was rushed into Ipswich hospital after a relaxing afternoon sunbathing naked in his garden quickly turned into a horror scene.
Now I know Ipswich very well, we have lots of falconry contracts there to scare away the gulls from various sites and although they can be aggressive when defending a nest from a raptor the next part of the story shocked even me!
So picture the scene, Mr… lets call him Ball, So Mr Ball is enjoying the warming rays in his back garden, hopefully with a beer and hopefully for the sake of his neighbours on his nice secluded non-overlooked sun lounger.
Whilst enjoying this afternoon, probably dozing away, a menacing seagull/ pterodactyl has seen Mr Ball asleep and has mistaken one of his testicles for a bird egg, a staple in the gulls diet.
The bird has then stooped down and snatched what his thought was his next meal only to find it inconveniently placed in a carrier bag. After a second bite of the cheery the Pterodactyl managed to escape with his prize and left poor Mr Ball watching the gull fly away with his right testicle firmly gripped in it’s beak.
Poor Mr Ball was then left writhing in agony and quickly rushed off to the local hospital.
A hospital source has been quoted “ No one could quite believe what was happening when the poor chap was bought in, he was in incredible pain and there was a lot of blood”
Thankfully for Mr Ball the injury was not life threatening and the hospital have run tests confirming his remaining testicle is working fine so he will be able to have children in the future.
If ever there was a compelling need for falconry services, this is it! If you enjoy sunbathing naked in the garden and want some additional protection which I would argue in this case is more important than your factor 50! Contact us
I wish him all the best in his recovery and if he sends me a message then I will happily send him a pair of Killer Instinct branded speedos free of charge to keep his safe in the garden in future.
Enjoy your garden this weekend, but do dress appropriately.
DJ
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